A Change Has Come

adulthood
If I could express the amount of change that has occurred just over the past week or so that I last posted into words... I just CAN'T.
My rejuvenation for life has increased tenfold and each day I wake up excited to be alive. I finally, after thousands of resumes, cover letters, tears and outbursts of anger, I have gotten an internship.
To say it suits me perfectly is an understatement. It suits me DIVINELY.
All my life I have been unable to tell people if I am proud of myself or not. I always try to stay humble and respect others. Most people, especially peers, have a hard time with others success. I know that I suffer from it! I can be the most envious of people (something I have talked about in an old blog post) but right now I can't help but feel overjoyed that all the effort I have put into searching for an internship has actually worked out into the most wonderful opportunity.
**I will tell you all more about the company in another post**
BUT WAIT THERE IS MORE
This past weekend I went to Boston to meet my mom and her friend for a short (very short) getaway. And I fell madly in love with the place.
After New York, anywhere seems like disneyland. The streets were clean, the people were smiling, there were no intense crowds, and there was a slight breeze that added just the perfect touch to an all day tourist sightseeing extravaganza.
We also went to Salem which fulfilled my love for all things witch, somewhere I had been dying to see since I moved to the East Coast.
It really was just an amazing trip and left me refreshed and ready for school to start Monday!
Classes are fine, not much to say about those. But with everything else going so well (fingers crossed it stays like this way for awhile) I figure school will also go according to plan.

In Need of Advice Column

adulthood
I am not even going to lie with you. I am having an extremely hard time being back in New York. "One more year" is all I hear from everyone. "It'll go so fast you'll wish you could go back." "Live it up, real life starts after."
While those are all well and true it is far different to give advice to someone than actually having to live it. When one year seems like the rest of your life. When the days drag by so slow you just want to take a million sleeping pills and hope it goes faster in your dreams. When you are so ready for real life to start that all you imagine is this life after it all.
Leaving California was like getting stabbed directly into the heart. I know it was hard on my family to see me that way. To see me beg and plead not to go back. So maybe I'm writing this because I need advice. The type of advice that will help me through the never ending days. Advice on how to not feel in your heart that you are meant to be somewhere 3000 miles away every single day of your life.
I'll get through it. I've done it for three years now and I've come through on the other side.
Even the days when I thought I wouldn't be able to get out of bed or look at another human without crying, I made it through.
This summer has been a type of recovery for me that I didn't even know I needed. One that has shown me things about myself and the person I am becoming. I know I can be proud of myself for leaving. For doing the things my high school self could only dream of.  But what if it's just not enough anymore. What if I'm tired of disconnecting with friends and missing out on family events. What do I do now?

survival

adulthood
Last. day. of. friday. classes. EVER.
When making my schedule last semester I somehow talked myself into believing that two three hour friday classes (starting at 8 am) was a good idea. Is this a sign that i am mentally ill? Perhaps. However I am proud to say I made it to every single class. I am also proud to say that I will NEVER DO IT AGAIN.
On another note, my first final is today and I am not prepared at all. Although my roommate believes that I studied long enough... it is always so hard to tell! 
There is just so much more that can be done and I always end up studying the wrong stuff. It gets beyond frustrating but luckily its an ethics final and the majority of it is opinion based (what my opinions are... well those have yet to be determined)
But friday is here and only 12 more days until I'm flying across the country back to my home in California!
I hope everyone has a happy and productive friday :)

The End of the "Teens"

adulthood
I am going to start off by saying I HATE birthdays. The drama and the anxiety that surround this day has always been something that irritates me to no end. However, seeing as this is my official last week as a teenager, I am starting to get that unsettled feeling in the pit of my stomach. Can it really be that after next friday I am officially in my 20's?!?! 
I already hate getting older and I haven't even reached my 30's yet... something must be wrong with me right???
What I am looking forward to is a nice getaway to D.C. for my birthday weekend with my side-kick (fulfilling our House of Cards dreams) ;)
Happy Hump Day! 

Knowing Yourself

adulthood
I may not be the most experienced person to talk about this but I think it is extremely important nonetheless. Knowing yourself and reading the signs that your body gives you is one of the greatest tools you can develop. Having the ability to say "can I do this" or "should I do this" is extremely hard to perfect because there is always multiple voices, whether inside your head or from other people, that tell you to do the opposite.
Friday night I went out and had a blast with all my friends. Dancing, having deep conversations, laughing my ass off…it was all there and it was fantastic. After a long long LONG week I was ready to let loose and party. This also means going to sleep around 3 o'clock.
Saturday morning my roommates wake me up at 8 o'clock because they are leaving for a retreat. While usually I don't mind being woken up (light sleeper problems) today I really couldn't believe that I was unable to fall back asleep because I could tell I was still exhausted. Around noon my friend and I went to the met and walked around and laughed and mimicked the paintings and statues. After we went down to east village and went thrifting and then ate at Artichoke pizza (my absolute favorite). Well the entire day I could feel my body slowly crumbling in. My feet ached, my eyes pounded, and the thought of have to lift my arms was just too much to handle.
We got back around 6 and I went to my room… and basically died until my soul was resurrected at 9 o'clock this morning. I had been invited to a few parties/bars but I knew that what I needed was sleep. Pure, raw, uninterrupted sleep. And I did but it made me realize I need to know when to draw the line more. Sleeping early on week days, leaving the party earlier on the weekends… anything helps. But all in all I am rested and rejuvenated for the homework day ahead!
Happy Sunday!

A Tip for the Future

city
My plan for this blog was originally intended as a sort of chronicle of my daily life here in New York City so that my family would be able to keep up with what was going on. But now I have found that, although I have a journal, there is something therapeutic about putting your ideas online and watching as people either read, or don't read, what you have to say. 
I am not a competitive person but sometimes I look at blogs and see how many followers a person has and I just do not understand how it's possible. With all the millions of people that have access to the internet, there are some blogs that are completely identical to another. What makes one good and one bad? I guess I will never really know the difference.
Perhaps I am writing this post because nothing significant happened in my day and while I stayed busy, it just was uneventful. 
Today on Tumblr I saw something that was extremely interesting to me though and now I am going to share it with you here. 

“Ladies and gentlemen of the class of ‘97:

Wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen
would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been
proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no
basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will
dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind.
You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth
until they’ve faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you’ll look
back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp
now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you
really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don’t worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying
is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing
bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things
that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you
at 4 pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts. Don’t put up with
people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don’t waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you’re ahead,
sometimes you’re behind. The race is long and, in the end,
it’s only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you
succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with
your life. The most interesting people I know didn’t know at
22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most
interesting 40-year-olds I know still don’t.

Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You’ll miss them
when they’re gone.

Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll have children,
maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance
the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you
do, don’t congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself
either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else’s.

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don’t be afraid of
it or of what other people think of it. It’s the greatest
instrument you’ll ever own.

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.

Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents. You never know when they’ll be gone
for good. Be nice to your siblings. They’re your best link to
your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the
future.

Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few
you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography
and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need
the people who knew you when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard.
Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you
soft. Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians
will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you’ll
fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable,
politicians were noble, and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust
fund. Maybe you’ll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when
either one might run out.

Don’t mess too much with your hair or by the time you’re 40 it
will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who
supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way
of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting
over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen.”
— Kurt Vonnegut
I highly recommend reading it if you have the time!

Procrastination Station

adulthood
Isn't funny how our lives are a constant battle between trying to be ahead and procrastination? No it isn't? Ya I didn't think so either. 
This is one of my greatest problems because I do have that internal mechanism that tells me what I need to be doing but I also have an equally loud voice telling me it is okay to put it off for awhile. And it isn't! Never is it okay to let yourself get behind because in the end you are going to be so much more flustered and angry than if you had done it when you knew you were supposed to. (yay run-on sentences) 
But why do we let ourselves get behind? Is it the fear of the amount of work we have? Does it have some psychological undertones to it? For these questions I have no straight answer. And I am only writing this post because it is a good way to procrastinate on the things that I need to do today. So without further ado here are my steps to stop procrastinating: 
1. Go Someplace Quiet: This to me is the most important step because my brain can not pay full attention when there isn't complete silence. Even the slightest bit of outside interference really messes with my ability to focus. 
2. Don't think you can lie on your bed and do work: First of all a bed is for sleep and sleep is all you will be able to think about when you're laying on it. Don't worry your comfy pillows will be waiting for you when you finish the assignment.
3. If you have an essay assigned write a first draft in the first three days: obviously if the assignment is due in less than three days then your teacher is the devil and you should drop the class. But if you have a term paper due and you know that it is going to be worth a bigger part of you final grade then you absolutely have to get it out of the way. Even when I know I have a shit ton of other homework to do I can always feel better knowing that at least I have begun the creative process.
4. Keep your phone at least three feet away and on silent: If you really can't be away from your phone for more than an hour or two while you are trying to finish homework then maybe the problem is you and not your workload. Seriously the world will not stop moving if you don't check your snapchats 3 seconds after someone sends it to you (and this is coming from a snapchat fanatic). The more effort it takes to get up and check your phone, the less prone you will be to want to check it. 
5. Make a schedule of the amount of free time you have: A lot of people at my school have their class schedules written on the wall but for me I think it is better to know the times you don't have class. This way you can plan out when you want to get things done. Personally I am not a night person or a morning person. So I know that I need to get my work done during the day or it will never get done. The last thing I want to do is get out of the shower and read 3 Acts of Othello. No I want to sit and catch up on Breaking Bad so I read the three acts at 1:00 when I have no class. Time management is manageable I promise.

Well this concludes my procrastination blogging for the day. And remember to make time for yourself too, that is something you should never feel guilty about. 

How To Write a Blog Post That Has No Train Of Thought

adulthood
To begin I want to start off by saying that one of my classes this year is english literature. Now for anyone that knows me English is probably one of my favorite subjects. Of course this also begins the questioning of why aren't you an english major? Well I have always had a realistic sense of the difference between doing what you love and loving what you do. I love love love to read. I also love love love to watch movies. However, when it comes down to the future I know that what I need to do in order to be successful is understand that I can still love to read and love to watch movies while working as oh I don't know... an advertiser?
Now for those of you who are doing exactly what you love (whether something with music, art, etc.) I commend you for being so strong. But often in life we have to do what we know in our hearts is right. 
I also love to learn. However I do not (and I repeat do not) love to study. Learning to me is the most amazing opportunity given to us. To be able to read a book or listen to a lecture and come out with a new or better understanding of the world is invaluable. 
To come to the point of this post (if there even is one) I have, I feel, a great understanding of who I am and what I like. I know my limits and I know what I excel in. Am I lazy sometimes? Of course. Am I right all the time? Absolutely not. But I know what I want in life and it has taken a long time for me to understand what exactly my reasoning behind coming to New York and changing my degree to advertising was. I think many teenagers nowadays feel like they are being rushed into choosing a major. But I have yet to meet a person here who has decided on a major say they aren't optimistic about the future. And perhaps we are too optimistic. But I would rather be naive than be jaded about the world at 19 years old. 

If you can, take the time today to think about what you love to do. And then think about what you are doing out of love (whether for yourself or someone else). 

OCTOBER MADNESS

city
Well everybody october is finally here! To say I am excited for this month is understatement. Last year October ended up being the toughest month in terms of homesickness. Why this happened? I have no clue! 
But this year is definitely going to be different. I have so many things planned for this month I don't know if there will ever be a minute to stop and catch my breath! Could this be a downside? Possibly. But I am so ready to take it on and come into November ready to rumble. 
The two major things that will be happening are 1. We are going to my roommates home in Easton, Maryland for Columbus day weekend. 2. MY BEST FRIEND IS COMING TO NEW YORK FOR THREE DAYS! 
I know that having these things lurking around the corner is going to be a big distraction. And with midterms coming up there really is no room to mess around. 
I guess I will just take each day as it comes because there really is no reason to freak out or stress out when we have sooo many things to look forward to. 

P.S. totally playing down my stress level really helps me cope with the fact that... I am totally freaking out about the amount of work I have for school. Hopefully with all this fun will come a bit of inspiration to get my work done ahead of time
 Dinner at Smiths with Christine's amazing family
 Pictures at the Palace hotel because... Gossip Girl

Friday Night Fun

adulthood
It has become a ritual to go to the city every friday no matter how drained we are from the week. Whether it is a shopping trip or to see a movie, we always end up having the most fantastic time!





Here are some pictures from our trip yesterday



Freshman 50

adulthood
I figure that this long bus ride will give me all the time I need to think of the 50 most important things I have learned my freshman year. (in no particular order)
1. Getting lost is not always a bad thing, you could end up meeting your best friend (talking about you Cassandre)
2. Do not lower your standards for friends just because you are afraid of being a loner.
3. Don't make snap judgments on people because most of the time you are very, VERY wrong.
4. You will stay in touch with people you never thought you would.
5. You will lose touch with people you never thought you would.
6. Skype is one of the greatest inventions yet (even if your mom doesn't like it).
7. The more time you spend alone, the more homesick you are going to feel.
8. Coline is the Netflix champion because she can watch an entire season of Desperate Housewives in a day.
9. Not having a TV makes for a more productive life.
10. Netflix will cancel out all that productivity.
11. Sometimes the greatest nights are spent watching a movie with close friends.
12. Making forts is still so much fun but sleeping in them is not.
13. When the news names something "Frankenstorm", prepare accordingly.
14. Target was designed to hypnotize its customers into buying 100's of dollars of worthless shit every time you walk through the doors.
15. Don't go to target more than once a month.
16. Every time, EVERY TIME, you have to use the bathroom, one of your suite mates will be taking a shower
17. Don't lose a friendship because you feel torn between having to pick sides.
18. Do not walk up a muddy hill after it snows (christine this one is for you)
19. Boys like to play music loud enough that they have the experience of being in an actual club (whether this is true or not is unknown, but if not I do not understand the purpose of blasting loud dub step music...)
20. Its okay to go to bed at 11 at night in college (the stereotype that college kids don't get sleep is mainly for those with bad time management)
21. It is possible to go to bed at 3 every night and still function properly the next day
22. Do not take more than 3 naps a day or your brain will stop working
23. Don't take naps after 6 p.m.
24. If you are going to watch a movie that your friend loves, make sure you pay attention so you don't hurt their feelings.
25. Don't drink chocolate milk before a speech or you will choke half way through
26. You don't always have to go to museum sight visits because most of the time they have every artifact or design on the internet.
27. Museums are fun and a great way to waste time.
28. Always, ALWAYS bring a book with you on the subway.
29. Take advantage of everything the college has to offer.
30. Don't be afraid to audition for something (lets just say rocky horror) and make a complete fool out of yourself because it makes for a hilarious story
31. Don't quit something because of one bad experience
32. There is a club out there for everyone.
33. Do the readings even if you have to keep your eyes open with tape.
34. If you think the teacher may give a pop quiz, always be prepared.
35. If you think the teacher is not going to give a pop quiz, just know that they are.
36. Philosophy is NOT for everyone.
37. Be ready to listen to people's opinions that are completely different from your own and accept them for what they are. (i'm talking about you annoying kid in my philosophy class)
38. Just because you were bad at a subject in high school doesn't mean you will be horrible at it in college.
39. Don't choose a major going in to school unless you are absolutely certain that that is the path you want to go down.
40. Changing majors is frustrating and time consuming.
41. Do not get stuck in the no-workout rut.
42. If you do get stuck in the no-workout rut, make sure you plan your meals accordingly.
43. Yoga is the greatest invention ever.
44. Just because you can't (and probably never will) touch your toes, doesn't mean you can't enjoy yoga.
45. Don't laugh when you're in candlestick pose.
46. Don't get behind on laundry.
47. The laundry machines will never be empty on the weekends and don't talk yourself into thinking that they will be.
48. Spend as much time with friends as you possibly can because summer comes faster than you think
49. Remember it is not goodbye, it's "I'll see you later"
50. Never regret how you spent your time, but cherish how that time was spent.

The 19th year.

birthday
Well I am now officially 19 and am in my last year as a teenager. How frightening.... Although I couldn't be home for my birthday, I had an amazing time here with my friends. Two of my classes were canceled and my last was cut short so I took that as my gift from God.
To begin the night, my friends and I went to central park and walked around for awhile because it was such a perfect day. Then we went to my favorite restaurant ever YUM YUM! It was a wonderful meal filled with many laughs and I couldn't have had a more perfect way of celebrating. Then we walked to Magnolia bakery and got a cupcake. They surprised me with a candle and we went and sat at Rockefeller Center and they embarrassed me by singing the Happy Birthday song as loud as they could.
The next day we decided to be adventurous and go to Coney Island. As soon as I stepped foot on the beach I felt completely satisfied and surprisingly it cured some of my homesickness. While two of my friends went and rode the rides at the carnival that is on the pier, my friends Coline, Cassandre, and I went and got a manicure and pedicure. After a long day we came back the dorms and watched Mamma Mia.
With all the stress of finals and preparing to come home, it was amazing to have my friends take time out of their day to celebrate with me. I am excited to come home and am counting down the minutes, but to have such fantastic friends here makes it a lot easier.
Now its just 363 more days until I am twenty!!!





Some pictures from the last two days :)

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