So back in 2013 when I was finishing up my first year of college I wrote a list of fifty different things I had learned during my time away. It is so funny to read back on them and honestly for the most part they are still very true. But as I have now completed four years I think I have a more complete understanding of myself and my time here. So I figured I would make a final list on the 50 most important lessons I've learned in college.
1. There's a 99.99% you're going to change your major.
2. Become friends with your professor, laugh at their dumb jokes, ask for guidance.
3. If you feel you are being treated unfairly by a professor, speak up. Chances are other students feel the same.
4. Grades are always negotiable.
5. If you think all nighters are a good idea...you're wrong. Do it once to say you have.
6. Learn the power of time management early on.
7. Extracurriculars are great but don't let them take over your life.
8. Read the g-dang books you are assigned in English classes. Reading is one of life's greatest treasures.
9. If you know your passion never let others interfere.
10. It's okay to not know your passion yet... keep experiencing life, it will come.
11. You may love your college town, you may hate your college town, but let it teach you a lesson about yourself.
12. There's a great chance you'll look into transferring... really assess if your current situation is as bad as you think it is.
13. Netflix should be consumed sparingly.
14. You are going to make best friends in college.
15. You are going to lose best friends in college.
16. That party/bar/frat house will most likely never be as great as spending a night in watching movies with friends.
17. Write your essays ahead of time. Don't become the night-before monster.
18. If you drink, make sure you trust the people you are with.
19. Having a bad day, week, semester is something everyone experiences.
20. Study Abroad. STUDY ABROAD. Even if they tell you it's impossible. Even if you have to take out loans. It will change you.
21. Don't study abroad with friends. Learning to travel alone will be extremely valuable.
22. Go somewhere you don't know the language.
23. Learn a new language in college. It could be the only chance you get.
24. Internships aren't going to come to you. It takes work.
25. Not having an internship doesn't make you a failure. Volunteer or join a club, it's all about experience.
26. Your parents miss you. Give them a call every once in awhile.
27. Leave your hometown for college.
28. Everyone has their own shit going on. But you are never to busy to call an old friend.
29. It's good you didn't peak in high school, it's even better not to peak in college... be patient that your time will come.
30. One day you'll look back at the memory of your first insane college roommate and laugh.
31. Don't compromise your own values to make friends.
32. Find people who are pieces of you, not the whole picture. Be unique.
33. Take advice sparingly... no one knows you like you do.
34. If you get a tattoo: Don't be drunk. Don't be cheap. Don't tell your parents.
35. It's okay to sleep around and it's okay to not sleep with anyone. Trust your intuition.
36. You will probably gain weight and lose it. You are more than the size of your jeans.
37. The cafeteria should never be taken for granted. Free chicken nuggets won't always be a reality.
38. If you thought you couldn't imagine a life without a boy maybe you don't love yourself as much as you thought.
39. If you do something awkward or embarrassing really own the moment.
40. Getting exempt from finals isn't a myth but it does take a lot of effort.
41. GPA doesn't reflect who you are as a person but it does reflect your dedication to learning.
42. Don't let people walk all over you. Find your voice but learn when to let things go.
43. There will be days you think it won't end. And there will be days you think it went too fast.
44. Don't kill yourself trying to be employed straight out of college. You have the rest of your life to work.
45. If you move somewhere cold... buy a good coat.
46. Take lots of pictures.
47. Four quarters is better than 100 pennies.
48. Say thank you to your parents.
49. Never take this time for granted.
50. ...

hey hey hey! Wow, I truly hate to see how long ago the last post was written. This blog may not be super popular but I was excited to see the number of page views growing over the past few months as I put more energy into writing better and more interesting content. It really was more of an experiment, but one that I thoroughly enjoyed!!! When I got home from school I went on a mental and physical reset. You never know how much you have over done it until you come home and just go into total detox mode. Catching up with friends and family, preparing for Christmas, reading books I actually wanted to read, binge watching TV shows... the list went on and it was all lovely.
I was also feeling very unlike myself. It is not uncommon for me to get inside my head too much when I'm away from my family for a long time. The Thanksgiving trip was such a whirlwind I don't think I sat down for more than 5 minutes trying to see everyone and do all the things that I wanted to do while home. I always start to feel like myself again here... which can be both a good thing and well a really bad thing.
I am someone who always battles with self doubt. Sometimes it is the easiest thing to just be like no that'll never work out. Last year I really tried to be outside my comfort zone as much as possible. And I think I am still setting the foundation in my mind for being able to reach my own success. Call it life therapy because I know I came home at a time when I needed an intervention.
And that is what I am going to be talking about at least once a week on this blog. Discovery. That is my word for 2016. Every single time I am going to be in a new situation I am going to think about this word. As I am graduating from Uni this semester and entering into the job world... there are so so SO many unknowns. As a Taurus it is in my nature to have a hard time adjusting to big life changes. That is why I am going to create all the ground work and preparation to make sure that this giant change is nothing more than a smooth flow of gradual adjustments.
I ask that if anyone else is feeling the same that you come along with me on this journey this year. Having a community that is understanding and empathetic can make big life changes so much more possible to conquer. Sure your family is great but 9 times out of 10 they aren't in the same position you are. And although they may think they can relate they still see you and your situation from an outside perspective. But that is why the internet is so much fun! There are people like you, facing similar (if not exact) experiences as you are. I mean how rad is that. So come and discover with me my friends! Let's see how we can make 2016 such a beautiful year full of happiness and balance.
Be back soon xoxo Sam

I am not even going to lie with you. I am having an extremely hard time being back in New York. "One more year" is all I hear from everyone. "It'll go so fast you'll wish you could go back." "Live it up, real life starts after."
While those are all well and true it is far different to give advice to someone than actually having to live it. When one year seems like the rest of your life. When the days drag by so slow you just want to take a million sleeping pills and hope it goes faster in your dreams. When you are so ready for real life to start that all you imagine is this life after it all.
Leaving California was like getting stabbed directly into the heart. I know it was hard on my family to see me that way. To see me beg and plead not to go back. So maybe I'm writing this because I need advice. The type of advice that will help me through the never ending days. Advice on how to not feel in your heart that you are meant to be somewhere 3000 miles away every single day of your life.
I'll get through it. I've done it for three years now and I've come through on the other side.
Even the days when I thought I wouldn't be able to get out of bed or look at another human without crying, I made it through.
This summer has been a type of recovery for me that I didn't even know I needed. One that has shown me things about myself and the person I am becoming. I know I can be proud of myself for leaving. For doing the things my high school self could only dream of.  But what if it's just not enough anymore. What if I'm tired of disconnecting with friends and missing out on family events. What do I do now?

I swear I blink and summer is already over. It is really just insanity in my mind. But I am feeling really ready for this final year. As absolutely terrifying the whole idea of ending college feels like, I am so so SO so ready to be out. Being home obviously gives me a glimpse at the life I lived prior to college. As I have probably said before, being home I always revert back to that person I was. Someone whose insecurities always got the better of them. It is honestly the worst feeling in the world to know that you have left and accomplished so much in the world but come home and immediately feel like a teenager again.

I bleed at the thought that I never update this blog but of course here I am to fill in the latest and greatest news. Lately things of been tough. Not just the normal day-to-day stresses of school and friends but also internally. I felt like I started off the year with a clean mindset and here I am, March, and I can feel myself reverting back to old ways. I don't like complaining because my life really has a lot of wonderful things about it! But sometimes it just gets to be too much.
I know pretty much every twentysomething can relate to the feeling of being lost. Do I love my major? no. Am I ready to start my life? yes. Am I ready to take on adult responsibilities? uhh...
All of these things are constantly swirling around our minds and eventually it just gets to be too much and you want to run away as fast as possible from everything and everyone.
There are moments that make it worth it, like walking in New York Fashion Week, but more often than not there are moments where you think... what am I actually doing with my life. Sure everyone says we have time but I don't want to waste the one life we are given just being unhappy with who I am and what I'm doing.
I guess I came here to say I am done with the city that never sleeps. I am tired. I am broke. And I am flailing.
With that said I am not depressed about life. I know there is so much more the world has to offer me. Maybe it's because I am figuring out who I am and what I want that I am unsatisfied with the life that I am living at this moment. It definitely doesn't mean I won't ever get away from it because come spring of 2016 ADIOS NEW YORK!
I will always appreciate the time I have spent here and the memories I have shared with some amazing people. But it's time for something different. Some people are empowered by New York and I honestly envy their tenacity and courage.
We get out what we put in to life. Maybe I didn't put enough of myself into loving it here. Maybe I was someone who was meant for a different path and didn't know until I learned for myself. But I think that is the great thing about leaving. That now I can go back and know what the world was like away from the support and comfort of home.
But then again... maybe it's the fact that it is almost April and there is currently snow falling from the sky. Or maybe I just have a chronic dissatisfaction with life (love quoting woody allen movies). I wish some wise old sage could come and tell me that I made the right choice. That I didn't screw up by choosing to go so far away from home. That New York was where I was meant to find myself.
I didn't know this post would turn into such a bummer but I needed to express to others that you aren't alone if you feel like you made the wrong choice. You aren't alone if you don't love the life you are living. And you aren't alone if you are ready to make the changes necessary to be a happier person.
I am tired of putting on a brave face for everyone and acting like its all flowers and rainbows.
Okay... Angsty rant over.

Can't believe I am actually writing this post from my room in New York! It has been nine long long LONG months away from this beautiful place and I am so full of happiness to be back. A little update on winter break: great. wonderful. full of adventure. WAY too short.

Wow I really suck at keeping updated on things. Well life here in Spain is pretty amazing. The people I have met and become friends with are truly amazing. The places I have seen are absolutely breathtaking. And the food I have eaten has unmatched anything I have ever had before. I wouldn´t trade a moment of this adventure because it has truly been one of the greatest experiences of my entire life.
But... and I don´t mean the negative but... I really miss New York. Prior to arriving in Spain I was feeling kind of iffy about returning to MC. Not because I didn´t love the city or my amazing friends but because I was tired of leaving my family back in California. All I wanted was to be close to my mom and cousins and uncles and aunts and grandparents and dog (lol). I even broke down in the London airport when I realized I was tired of saying goodbye all the time. It never gets easier and really it gets harder with the passing of time. People are getting older and their lives are changing and often, when you aren´t present, those plans don´t include you.
When I first got to Spain I was pretty upset. I wasn´t adjusting well to the culture and I was angry with myself for making this choice. Then a few weeks ago I started to really really REALLY miss MC. I wanted to walk the same path to Leo. I wanted to get a chai latte and sweet potatoe fries from Café 1853. I even missed the cafetería food from Lockes. I don´t necessarily know what made this change of heart but it has constantly been on my mind and it is exhausting.
It is really difficult to miss a place when you have no way of changing it. Then I get angry at myself for not living in the moment. I will never get the chance to live in Spain again and here I am missing a place that I could probably live for the rest of my life. I am here with my best friend and sister and Jesus I must be absolutely insane!!!!!
But I´m not. I am human and often times don´t have control over what my mind desires or my heart wants. I think it is cheesy when people say ´´ Oh it helped me learn so much about myself´´ but really I have found out that maybe i´m not as adventurous as  I once believed. I was always someone who believed the grass was greener somewhere else but honestly going to New York was my biggest dream and for a moment I was ready to throw in the towel and call it quits. I am grateful this experience has renewed this love that I have but when January 5th rolls around... I won´t be sorry or sad or unprepared.
I will be able to say I did it. Against all odds I did something that most people in their life will never do. I will also be able to say I am doing EXACTLY what I wanted to do with my life.
Also GOD BLESS AMERICA;)

I may not be the most experienced person to talk about this but I think it is extremely important nonetheless. Knowing yourself and reading the signs that your body gives you is one of the greatest tools you can develop. Having the ability to say "can I do this" or "should I do this" is extremely hard to perfect because there is always multiple voices, whether inside your head or from other people, that tell you to do the opposite.
Friday night I went out and had a blast with all my friends. Dancing, having deep conversations, laughing my ass off…it was all there and it was fantastic. After a long long LONG week I was ready to let loose and party. This also means going to sleep around 3 o'clock.
Saturday morning my roommates wake me up at 8 o'clock because they are leaving for a retreat. While usually I don't mind being woken up (light sleeper problems) today I really couldn't believe that I was unable to fall back asleep because I could tell I was still exhausted. Around noon my friend and I went to the met and walked around and laughed and mimicked the paintings and statues. After we went down to east village and went thrifting and then ate at Artichoke pizza (my absolute favorite). Well the entire day I could feel my body slowly crumbling in. My feet ached, my eyes pounded, and the thought of have to lift my arms was just too much to handle.
We got back around 6 and I went to my room… and basically died until my soul was resurrected at 9 o'clock this morning. I had been invited to a few parties/bars but I knew that what I needed was sleep. Pure, raw, uninterrupted sleep. And I did but it made me realize I need to know when to draw the line more. Sleeping early on week days, leaving the party earlier on the weekends… anything helps. But all in all I am rested and rejuvenated for the homework day ahead!
Happy Sunday!

It's inevitable right? There is no way to stop it and yet we all try... every single day of our lives we try to stop change from happening. I love the beginning of semesters because its like a breath of fresh air. But then the reality hits in when I think I am one semester closer to being finished with college and preparing for the world ahead. It's a scary thought, but one that comes with much preparation and excitement. Seeing my sister finish school was thrilling for me just as much as it was for her. Finally I was seeing firsthand what life after school could be like and... well... not so good. She was (and still is) absolutely terrified of the road ahead. Graduating a semester early she didn't have a set plan. Although she has had mountains and mountains of support from her friends and family to do whatever she wants to do she is still hesitant. School loans and low job opportunities are staring her straight in the face and, like many other recent grads, it all looks so bleak. I am not necessarily the most optimistic person but I do try to make sure that everyone around me stays positive. Trying to convince my sister that everything will be okay and that not having it figured out at 21 is perfectly normal, but the truth is that I don't really know how she feels. For at least another 2 years I am bound to my school work and, other than looking for part time work, I do not have to join the real world.
Like I said earlier change is going to happen whether we are prepared or not. You can face it with trepidation and dread or you can grab change and make it whatever you want to be! Change up your morning routine, your workout routine, your social life. All of these things CAN be in your control as long as you have the desire to do it.
“Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.” -Andre Gide - 

Maybe it's the idea of a new year that creates the endless opportunity of a fresh start. Shedding your skin and reaching towards those goals that at one time seemed completely unattainable. I like to choose a word every year that I will try to live my life by. Last years word was Learn, whether it was about myself, in school, or taking the time to learn more about the world around me. This years word is balance. A problem I have suffered from is losing total balance when things in my life go in a different direction than I thought. Finding that balance will hopefully help me keep my feet firmly on the ground and my head out of the sky. The reality of growing older each year is coming to terms with the fact that all things are in your control. People will only hurt you if you let them. People will only love you if you let them. Recently I saw a gif set on tumblr that really grabbed my attention. It was a scene from the lion king when Rafiki hits Simba on the head and Simba asks what that was for. Rafiki responds "it doesn't matter. It's in the past." to which Simba says "yeah, but it still hurts.", and here is where the real wisdom comes in, Rafiki's response is "Oh yes, the past can hurt. But from the way I see it, you can either run from it, or... learn from it." Probably one of the greatest things I have ever heard and it comes from a cartoon. I have seen firsthand how detrimental holding onto the past can be to a person. Of course your past is important because you are who you are today because of your experiences. But guess what... EVERY NEW DAY IS AN OPPORTUNITY TO CHANGE YOURSELF. Every new sunrise is a clean slate. If that doesn't fill your heart with hope and happiness then I don't know what can. Love harder than you've ever loved. Cry when you're sad. Laugh until your cheeks hurt. Try new things. Meet new people. Live by your heart and not by your head. Balance is key. "Balance, my darling, is never letting anyone love you less than you love yourself."