Let's have a little chat, shall we? Find some cozy socks, sit in a nice comfy chair, and treat yourself to a warm hot chocolate. Christmas, my friends, is one week away. One week and all this hectic parade of gifts guides, party outfits, and cookie recipes will be done. 

I'm struggling to feel festive this year I can't lie to you. I think back to last year when I lived in my tiny apartment with my best mate and all my other loves lived a block or so away. I think back to watching a Christmas movie every single day. And wearing a red lipstick every single day. We made paper snowflakes, cut out look-alike gingerbread men, and ate Christmas cookies until we felt sick. 

And all that time I wanted to be home. I thought "yeah this is great, but, it would be a lot better if I were back where I'm supposed to be." So now, clearly, I'm kicking myself for thinking this way. I'm mad that I always think things will be better somewhere else. That no matter how great the moment is, it is never enough for me.

This Christmas has consisted of me trying to make myself and other people feel festive. And it's hard when I'm not feeling it either. I desperately want to feel happy and full of love like last year but I can't find it. 

So now it's one week until Christmas and I think it might be time to stop forcing everything so much. It might be time to admit that I am just not at the same place mentally as last year. OR do I keep pushing it? Do I keep playing pretend so that I don't feel like I let a time I have always loved so much slip away?

It might sound childish and maybe it's all a part of growing up. But I don't want this last week to feel as unhappy as the previous one.  And I'm not sure I know what the right answer to my problem is. 

But, if it's any consolation to myself, I am happy I have continued to do Blogmas despite how difficult this holiday season has been. I think I've said this in a post before but part of the reason I enjoy blogging is because it forces you to seize the moment. You bake cookies, you make gift guides and find party outfits while also having more experiences than most along the way. Even if some people think it's "forced" I can't wait to look back in a few months or a year or three years and read back on all the posts I made this Blogmas.

So happy week until Christmas my dear one's and I hope you have more shopping done than I have. Get ready, the countdown begins. Xoxo Sam

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