Have you ever felt like you are on a constant stream of disappointing people. Like no matter what you do, someone feels like you let them down. Maybe I'm paranoid but lately, everything I do seems to make someone upset. Studying abroad has been freaking amazing except for the fact that I am always doing stuff for other people. I never thought I had a problem doing my own thing until I came here. Then it seemed like all I was doing was making sure that no one was mad at me. I started stretching myself thin and then, ultimately, would let everyone down. Either I'm with my friends and my sister is upset or I'm with my sister and my friends are wondering where I am.
Last monday I had minor breakdown. Call it hormones or seasons changing but damn, I was extremely upset. My sister and I had been planning to go to Italy but I was waiting to hear what my friends plans were as well. She was tired of me always delaying it and not being able to make up my mind that she said she didn't want to go with me at all. Well I took this as a failure. That my friends were now going without me and that my sister was angry with me... it all became way too much. Sitting in my host moms kitchen trying to catch my breath she comes in and immediately gives me a hug. Funny how much a hug can release a calming emotion no matter who it's from. Trying to explain to her in Spanish why I was so upset was extremely difficult but she told me she is the same as me. Always taking on other people's problems like they are my own.
I finally was able to talk with my mom, which I knew was all I needed to get my head back on straight but for the rest of the week I really tried to be proactive about making my own decisions. Doing things for myself and not letting other people's negative attitude effect my own mental state.
I don't mind doing things for other people but why I let them get the better of me will always remain a mystery to me. If anyone has any advice for how they cope with disappointment I would love to hear it.

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