The Final Month


Well you guys we are coming into the final stretch! Less than thirty days until I will be walking across that stage at graduation... and man am I flipping out. I have been having some very interesting emotions surrounding it all. At certain moments I'll be happy, giddy, elated. But at other times I'm terrified, comatose, and just downright sad. My best friend from California came out and visited me last weekend and it was just incredible. We spent hours roaming around the city and I couldn't help but think that the next time I come to visit New York I will be a tourist. Four years has given me enough time to really feel like I have a grasp on this electric city and once I go back... who knows when I'll return?

I have a habit of convincing myself I don't like a place when I know that I'll be having to say goodbye. Throughout this entire year I've told people I didn't like the city anymore. It was too cold, too dirty, too crowded, etc. And for the most part those things hold some truth to them. But I was forgetting all the things I fell in love with four years ago. It's cold because there's seasons (something I had never experienced before), it's dirty because it's alive, it's crowded because it's an epicenter of life. All of these reasons that I had said out loud time and time again were all just a coping mechanism. The truth is I'm extremely sad my time here is running short.
As humans we are so distracted by the day to day troubles that it becomes all consuming. I am calling myself out for behaving in ways that I had always feared I would. I never wanted to go out. I ended friendships because I couldn't find time in my schedule. I used work as an excuse to go to bed early instead of staying up possibly an hour too long to spend time with my loved ones here. But as these last few weeks are staring at me I can't ignore the fact that maybe there were better choices I could've made. Don't get me wrong I think going home is the right step for me and with many of my friends here in New York heading out to LA I am pretty elated that there isn't as many "I'll see you when I see you." But I don't know that it will ever be easy to think back on this time and feel 100% certain that I did what I came here to do. 
I'm gonna wrap it up here as I'm getting quite teary-eyed and I do have to run off to work. But I felt I needed to share these feelings I am having out loud. I don't think I'm alone in these emotions either as other university students around the world probably have a great love for their surroundings at school. I just wanted to take a moment to say I Love New York... and I always will. until next time xoxo Sam 

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