So back in 2013 when I was finishing up my first year of college I wrote a list of fifty different things I had learned during my time away. It is so funny to read back on them and honestly for the most part they are still very true. But as I have now completed four years I think I have a more complete understanding of myself and my time here. So I figured I would make a final list on the 50 most important lessons I've learned in college.
1. There's a 99.99% you're going to change your major.
2. Become friends with your professor, laugh at their dumb jokes, ask for guidance.
3. If you feel you are being treated unfairly by a professor, speak up. Chances are other students feel the same.
4. Grades are always negotiable.
5. If you think all nighters are a good idea...you're wrong. Do it once to say you have.
6. Learn the power of time management early on.
7. Extracurriculars are great but don't let them take over your life.
8. Read the g-dang books you are assigned in English classes. Reading is one of life's greatest treasures.
9. If you know your passion never let others interfere.
10. It's okay to not know your passion yet... keep experiencing life, it will come.
11. You may love your college town, you may hate your college town, but let it teach you a lesson about yourself.
12. There's a great chance you'll look into transferring... really assess if your current situation is as bad as you think it is.
13. Netflix should be consumed sparingly.
14. You are going to make best friends in college.
15. You are going to lose best friends in college.
16. That party/bar/frat house will most likely never be as great as spending a night in watching movies with friends.
17. Write your essays ahead of time. Don't become the night-before monster.
18. If you drink, make sure you trust the people you are with.
19. Having a bad day, week, semester is something everyone experiences.
20. Study Abroad. STUDY ABROAD. Even if they tell you it's impossible. Even if you have to take out loans. It will change you.
21. Don't study abroad with friends. Learning to travel alone will be extremely valuable.
22. Go somewhere you don't know the language.
23. Learn a new language in college. It could be the only chance you get.
24. Internships aren't going to come to you. It takes work.
25. Not having an internship doesn't make you a failure. Volunteer or join a club, it's all about experience.
26. Your parents miss you. Give them a call every once in awhile.
27. Leave your hometown for college.
28. Everyone has their own shit going on. But you are never to busy to call an old friend.
29. It's good you didn't peak in high school, it's even better not to peak in college... be patient that your time will come.
30. One day you'll look back at the memory of your first insane college roommate and laugh.
31. Don't compromise your own values to make friends.
32. Find people who are pieces of you, not the whole picture. Be unique.
33. Take advice sparingly... no one knows you like you do.
34. If you get a tattoo: Don't be drunk. Don't be cheap. Don't tell your parents.
35. It's okay to sleep around and it's okay to not sleep with anyone. Trust your intuition.
36. You will probably gain weight and lose it. You are more than the size of your jeans.
37. The cafeteria should never be taken for granted. Free chicken nuggets won't always be a reality.
38. If you thought you couldn't imagine a life without a boy maybe you don't love yourself as much as you thought.
39. If you do something awkward or embarrassing really own the moment.
40. Getting exempt from finals isn't a myth but it does take a lot of effort.
41. GPA doesn't reflect who you are as a person but it does reflect your dedication to learning.
42. Don't let people walk all over you. Find your voice but learn when to let things go.
43. There will be days you think it won't end. And there will be days you think it went too fast.
44. Don't kill yourself trying to be employed straight out of college. You have the rest of your life to work.
45. If you move somewhere cold... buy a good coat.
46. Take lots of pictures.
47. Four quarters is better than 100 pennies.
48. Say thank you to your parents.
49. Never take this time for granted.
50. ...

I swear I blink and summer is already over. It is really just insanity in my mind. But I am feeling really ready for this final year. As absolutely terrifying the whole idea of ending college feels like, I am so so SO so ready to be out. Being home obviously gives me a glimpse at the life I lived prior to college. As I have probably said before, being home I always revert back to that person I was. Someone whose insecurities always got the better of them. It is honestly the worst feeling in the world to know that you have left and accomplished so much in the world but come home and immediately feel like a teenager again.

Can't believe I am actually writing this post from my room in New York! It has been nine long long LONG months away from this beautiful place and I am so full of happiness to be back. A little update on winter break: great. wonderful. full of adventure. WAY too short.

Aaahhh can there really only be two days of school left here in Spain?!?! I can not actually believe that as of tuesday my semester here will be over and every amazing person that I have met will leave. How crazy is it that you can look at someone that you have shared all these amazing and life changing moments with and think well I may never see you again... like ever.
On another note I am totally ready for the school part to be over with. As thankful as I am that the workload wasn't too demanding, I don't know how much more I could have handled. The organization and well english level of some of my teachers was severely lacking. *Note to self: Research school before studying abroad*
Also I am crazy excited for my family to get here! As much as I wish I could be home for christmas, I can't wait to share this country with them and show them a little bit of the culture that I have been living in for the past 3 months.
Yesterday a bunch of us took a cooking class in a 15th century cave and it made me super nostalgic and sad that it will all be over so so soon!
I know that everyone else if feeling the same way that I am. Which is torn about leaving because on the one hand you feel homesick for the US but on the other hand this experience is over. We will probably never be able to do this kind of thing again ever in our lives. I know, at least for me, that I have waited years and years for this and now that I only have a few weeks left... I would do anything to have just a little bit longer.
Well I should get back to studying since I have really been lacking in making any headway in that department.

So this post is being inspired by the fact that literally EVERYONE I know left Madrid this weekend and I (tear tear tear) couldn't produce the funds to support another excursion... if you catch my drift. However, it is what it is and as this weekend approached I found myself thinking of all the possible things I could do alone. And actually... I found myself being really excited.
Now I am a bonafide introvert and I really don't have a problem with it. Of course I go out to parties, I am able to talk to large groups of people, and I can socialize rather well. I feel like introverts often get a bad rep because people just imagine a curled up girl alone in her house reading a book next to the fire. Which, as magical as it sounds, isn't the only thing introverts do. I read something recently (probably on tumblr) that talked about the difference between extroverts and introverts. To summarize it basically stated that the main difference is only that extroverts replenish their energy from socializing where as introverts, who are completely capable of being social, expend their energy from socializing. I would have to say that pretty much hits it right on the nose!
Anyways back to this weekend. Well I knew I had a mondo project that I should have been working on all semester -teehee- but I figured what better time than now to really zone in on all my final to-do lists. There seemed to be so much I could do that I actually worried there wouldn't be enough time to do anything else! So friday I woke up, finished a powerpoint, made three study guides, and then decided to call it a day. But I told myself that I was not going to just sit inside and watch gilmore girls until kingdom come. So I put on my coat and walked to the Prado so I could see Goya paintings which we had just finished covering in my art class.
I absolutely adore the Prado. As... interesting as modern art is, it just doesn't really inspire me much. I loathe looking at a painting and being like THIS LITERALLY HAS NO MEANING I COULD'VE DONE THIS which happens a lot when I go to museums like the MOMA in New York or the Tate Modern in London.
After this I walked back home and finished off my night with Gilmore Girls. Saturday I woke up, made a study guide for my architecture class, practiced my presentation, made a to-do list for studying this week, and fin. Then I put on my coat and went to Gran Via to buy a sweater I had seen thursday from Pull and Bear. After I walked home from Sol which takes about 40 minutes, but I just really cleared my head. No cell phone, no english... anywhere. I came back completely frozen and completely happy. Then I finished the night with some more Gilmore Girls.
I hate having to justify to people that I really am okay with being alone. Of course I don't want to be alone all the time and when I do get social interaction I gladly welcome it but I am very independent in that I will make a schedule for myself and just do what I feel. Today actually I'm torn between going to the Reina Sofia or just walking in Parque Retiro. Either way it is going to be what I want to do!

I can actually not believe it's already November. Can it really be that I only have about a month and a half left in Europe?!?! Unreal.
Life has been pretty fantastic these past few weeks. Mostly because of my trip to Paris last weekend. Let's just say it was exactly what I needed to refresh my love of travel. Living in Madrid is amazing but, just like home, living somewhere is different than visiting. The everyday needs can get tiresome and boring (like the hour subway ride to school everyday). I found myself really not enjoying Madrid because I felt like I was living endlessly as a tourist in a place that I should've been making a temporary home. As soon as I realized this I took everyday a step at a time. 
I always thought moving to New York would be the hardest thing I've ever done and that after that change every thing else would be a breeze. Boy was I wrong. Not only have I really reflected on myself but I am seeing the changes I can make in my life back in the states in order to be happier!
Paris is truly the most magical place ever created.  We all joked that instead of posting all the pictures for our families we would just post one and say sorry but you have to go yourself. 
Seeing my friend and former roommate Coline went better than I ever could've imagined. It was as if it was still Freshman year and we were still doing everything together. Our jokes and singing took me back to such a happy place that I think the world could have been hit by an asteroid and I still would've been smiling from ear to ear. 
I left and knew that one day I would be back. 
This weekend we decided to take it easy since next weekend my program is taking us to Granada for three days and then I go to Munich, Germany with Kim for thanksgiving weekend. Can I just say life is beautiful. 
Sending love from this corner of the world :)

Have you ever felt like you are on a constant stream of disappointing people. Like no matter what you do, someone feels like you let them down. Maybe I'm paranoid but lately, everything I do seems to make someone upset. Studying abroad has been freaking amazing except for the fact that I am always doing stuff for other people. I never thought I had a problem doing my own thing until I came here. Then it seemed like all I was doing was making sure that no one was mad at me. I started stretching myself thin and then, ultimately, would let everyone down. Either I'm with my friends and my sister is upset or I'm with my sister and my friends are wondering where I am.
Last monday I had minor breakdown. Call it hormones or seasons changing but damn, I was extremely upset. My sister and I had been planning to go to Italy but I was waiting to hear what my friends plans were as well. She was tired of me always delaying it and not being able to make up my mind that she said she didn't want to go with me at all. Well I took this as a failure. That my friends were now going without me and that my sister was angry with me... it all became way too much. Sitting in my host moms kitchen trying to catch my breath she comes in and immediately gives me a hug. Funny how much a hug can release a calming emotion no matter who it's from. Trying to explain to her in Spanish why I was so upset was extremely difficult but she told me she is the same as me. Always taking on other people's problems like they are my own.
I finally was able to talk with my mom, which I knew was all I needed to get my head back on straight but for the rest of the week I really tried to be proactive about making my own decisions. Doing things for myself and not letting other people's negative attitude effect my own mental state.
I don't mind doing things for other people but why I let them get the better of me will always remain a mystery to me. If anyone has any advice for how they cope with disappointment I would love to hear it.

Wow I really suck at keeping updated on things. Well life here in Spain is pretty amazing. The people I have met and become friends with are truly amazing. The places I have seen are absolutely breathtaking. And the food I have eaten has unmatched anything I have ever had before. I wouldn´t trade a moment of this adventure because it has truly been one of the greatest experiences of my entire life.
But... and I don´t mean the negative but... I really miss New York. Prior to arriving in Spain I was feeling kind of iffy about returning to MC. Not because I didn´t love the city or my amazing friends but because I was tired of leaving my family back in California. All I wanted was to be close to my mom and cousins and uncles and aunts and grandparents and dog (lol). I even broke down in the London airport when I realized I was tired of saying goodbye all the time. It never gets easier and really it gets harder with the passing of time. People are getting older and their lives are changing and often, when you aren´t present, those plans don´t include you.
When I first got to Spain I was pretty upset. I wasn´t adjusting well to the culture and I was angry with myself for making this choice. Then a few weeks ago I started to really really REALLY miss MC. I wanted to walk the same path to Leo. I wanted to get a chai latte and sweet potatoe fries from Café 1853. I even missed the cafetería food from Lockes. I don´t necessarily know what made this change of heart but it has constantly been on my mind and it is exhausting.
It is really difficult to miss a place when you have no way of changing it. Then I get angry at myself for not living in the moment. I will never get the chance to live in Spain again and here I am missing a place that I could probably live for the rest of my life. I am here with my best friend and sister and Jesus I must be absolutely insane!!!!!
But I´m not. I am human and often times don´t have control over what my mind desires or my heart wants. I think it is cheesy when people say ´´ Oh it helped me learn so much about myself´´ but really I have found out that maybe i´m not as adventurous as  I once believed. I was always someone who believed the grass was greener somewhere else but honestly going to New York was my biggest dream and for a moment I was ready to throw in the towel and call it quits. I am grateful this experience has renewed this love that I have but when January 5th rolls around... I won´t be sorry or sad or unprepared.
I will be able to say I did it. Against all odds I did something that most people in their life will never do. I will also be able to say I am doing EXACTLY what I wanted to do with my life.
Also GOD BLESS AMERICA;)

IT'S HERE! IT'S HERE! IT'S FINALLY HERE! When people talk about how annoying the visa process is... it is no joke. Admittedly I am an anxious person when it comes to just about anything but the weeks leading up to getting the visa were some of the most stressful days of my life! Not only was it extremely expensive but I knew there could be zero room for mistake because of how limited on time I was. However last night after coming home from a two day vacation in the mountains with my sister and cousin my mom says "Your visa came." No joke at that moment I flew up the stairs with more speed than I even knew possible. And yes, there it was, lying on my bed like a shining beacon of success. Immediately I felt the wave of fulfillment rain over me. Although my sister hasn't received hers yet (only because she is applying for a resident visa not a student visa) I am confident that everything will work out perfectly.
Then that got me thinking. Sure maybe I overreacted and checked all my papers 2894823 times before the appointment and emailed my program about 9859028 times to make sure everything was correct but... this happiness that I feel at having done it all by myself is so rewarding. Everyone says there will be these big life moments and, although it isn't life changing, just seeing the "Hasta Seis Meses" writing is exhilarating.
Now, however, my priorities have shifted to studying as much as I possibly can in Spanish. Lord knows it is going to give me another ulcer but after riding on such a high like last night... nothing can stop me!

I feel absolutely terrible about the lack of blog posts I have made in the past few months. I come on blogger everyday and yet I always find an excuse not to write anything. I think it is because of the pressure to catch everyone up on what has been happening because there is just SO MUCH!