Honestly, what could be more fun than being a tourist in your own city? One of the exciting bits of living in a place like Los Angeles is that you are sitting on top of a gold mine in terms of history and entertainment. For the most part I work all throughout the weekends so getting a chance to go out and explore is seriously rejuvenating... even if you come home at the end of the day too tired to walk to bed. So yesterday, two of my closest friends joined me for a great day in Los Angeles!
Here was our little itinerary for they day:

Oh, don't mind me just sitting here on the floor of an empty apartment trying to process the past five days... Graduation weekend is officially done and now I am a post graduate. All my friends have left and my roommate as well. My family left later yesterday but I quickly busied myself with packing so as not to linger too long on all the things I should be sad about.
The emphasis here is really on the fact that I SHOULD BE sad right now. Instead I feel unemotional (and if you really knew me you would find this terribly confusing). I am a pro at being overly emotional. I can cry on command and tend to get heartbroken from even the most menial of situations. But I'm sitting here waiting for tears to come and they haven't.
On graduation day I cried once for about five minutes as I hugged all my dearest friends goodbye. All of us caught up in the whirlwind of graduation, introducing parents to friends and friends to siblings etc etc. As we cabbed to the hotel I didn't feel upset knowing that when I returned to the apartment there would be no one there. Saying goodbye to my parents as they had an early flight, no tears. Walking across the Brooklyn Bridge with my sisters knowing it would be my last time walking around the city for a long long time, no tears. And even now as I have come to the full realization that it is over I can't cry.
Maybe I really did do a good job at prepping myself for the end. I am happy that I was never distant and right to the last minute my friends and I knew how much we loved each other and how special this time together has really been.
Actually, I think the part I'm most upset about is that I couldn't fit everything in my three pieces of luggage (shipping things from NYC is completely the bane of my existence). I'll be heading to a friends home in Long Island and then leaving Thursday night for California. So I suppose this will be my last post written in New York. As some parting remarks I just want to thank this city for being my escape. Thanks to Manhattan College for teaching me more than just education, the value of friendship. And thank you to this incredible experience that *even though I'm not crying* is heart-wrenching to believe that it has finally come to a close.
XOXO from New York Sam!

So back in 2013 when I was finishing up my first year of college I wrote a list of fifty different things I had learned during my time away. It is so funny to read back on them and honestly for the most part they are still very true. But as I have now completed four years I think I have a more complete understanding of myself and my time here. So I figured I would make a final list on the 50 most important lessons I've learned in college.
1. There's a 99.99% you're going to change your major.
2. Become friends with your professor, laugh at their dumb jokes, ask for guidance.
3. If you feel you are being treated unfairly by a professor, speak up. Chances are other students feel the same.
4. Grades are always negotiable.
5. If you think all nighters are a good idea...you're wrong. Do it once to say you have.
6. Learn the power of time management early on.
7. Extracurriculars are great but don't let them take over your life.
8. Read the g-dang books you are assigned in English classes. Reading is one of life's greatest treasures.
9. If you know your passion never let others interfere.
10. It's okay to not know your passion yet... keep experiencing life, it will come.
11. You may love your college town, you may hate your college town, but let it teach you a lesson about yourself.
12. There's a great chance you'll look into transferring... really assess if your current situation is as bad as you think it is.
13. Netflix should be consumed sparingly.
14. You are going to make best friends in college.
15. You are going to lose best friends in college.
16. That party/bar/frat house will most likely never be as great as spending a night in watching movies with friends.
17. Write your essays ahead of time. Don't become the night-before monster.
18. If you drink, make sure you trust the people you are with.
19. Having a bad day, week, semester is something everyone experiences.
20. Study Abroad. STUDY ABROAD. Even if they tell you it's impossible. Even if you have to take out loans. It will change you.
21. Don't study abroad with friends. Learning to travel alone will be extremely valuable.
22. Go somewhere you don't know the language.
23. Learn a new language in college. It could be the only chance you get.
24. Internships aren't going to come to you. It takes work.
25. Not having an internship doesn't make you a failure. Volunteer or join a club, it's all about experience.
26. Your parents miss you. Give them a call every once in awhile.
27. Leave your hometown for college.
28. Everyone has their own shit going on. But you are never to busy to call an old friend.
29. It's good you didn't peak in high school, it's even better not to peak in college... be patient that your time will come.
30. One day you'll look back at the memory of your first insane college roommate and laugh.
31. Don't compromise your own values to make friends.
32. Find people who are pieces of you, not the whole picture. Be unique.
33. Take advice sparingly... no one knows you like you do.
34. If you get a tattoo: Don't be drunk. Don't be cheap. Don't tell your parents.
35. It's okay to sleep around and it's okay to not sleep with anyone. Trust your intuition.
36. You will probably gain weight and lose it. You are more than the size of your jeans.
37. The cafeteria should never be taken for granted. Free chicken nuggets won't always be a reality.
38. If you thought you couldn't imagine a life without a boy maybe you don't love yourself as much as you thought.
39. If you do something awkward or embarrassing really own the moment.
40. Getting exempt from finals isn't a myth but it does take a lot of effort.
41. GPA doesn't reflect who you are as a person but it does reflect your dedication to learning.
42. Don't let people walk all over you. Find your voice but learn when to let things go.
43. There will be days you think it won't end. And there will be days you think it went too fast.
44. Don't kill yourself trying to be employed straight out of college. You have the rest of your life to work.
45. If you move somewhere cold... buy a good coat.
46. Take lots of pictures.
47. Four quarters is better than 100 pennies.
48. Say thank you to your parents.
49. Never take this time for granted.
50. ...

It's April 27th and I'm sitting in my college's cafe, looking back at the previous blog posts I have written after my birthday for the past four years. 19 I think was my favorite to look back on. The friends I had sitting around the table, the outfit I wore (cringe), and the general memories were just wild to see again.
I can literally remember my 19th birthday like it was yesterday, eating Yum Yum (my favorite Thai Food place before it had to go betray me) and then getting Magnolia Bakery while my friends screamed the happy birthday song to me in the middle of Rockefeller Plaza.
Then of course there was 20 which I believe was also at a Thai Food restaurant but must not have been as meaningful because the blog post mostly talked about how scared I was to turn 20... oh if only you knew 19-year-old Sam, if only you knew.
Last year really feels like yesterday and of course I went to a Thai Food restaurant because I'm nothing if not consistent. 21 was a really interesting year for me. I lost some friendships while others got stronger. I experienced loss as well as pure happiness. I laughed, cried, yelled, danced... I had a great 21st year.
As 22 (my favorite number since I was about 11) rolls in the day was really really great. Did I do anything really out of the ordinary? Nope. But I danced and laughed and sat at a table with some of the people who wanted to share my day with me. What more could I ask for in the end? And with less than three weeks of school left I don't know what 22 really has in store for me. Who knows who will be sitting round the table with me on my 23rd?
I told my friend yesterday that I didn't like birthday's because I always end up crying. She asked why and I told her it was because it was too nostalgic. What has my life accumulated to after 22 years? What was 2 year old Sam thinking on her birthday or 10 year old Sam? What did I want for my life at those moments that has changed to what I want from life now?
There is so much to be grateful for and I really came here to say that if this year is anything like yesterday... I am a very lucky 22 year old.

hello hello! back at it again a few weeks later... things have been so unbelievably hectic lately I really haven't had a moment *where I'm not sleeping* to myself. But starting last Thursday I was officially on my first day of my last spring break! And seeing as today is the first day of spring I thought I would share with you all my holiday week :)
the first five days are very easy to sum up: workworkworkworkworkworkwork. I literally worked 9 hour days at Gap starting Friday all the way to Tuesday. Between the travel, the crazy sale the store was having, and the time change (literally death itself) I would come home at the days end and collapse on the couch a comatose state until the next morning where I would get up and do it all over again. 
It felt kind of like the Kink's song "A Well Respected Man": Cause he gets up in the morning and he goes to work at nine
And he comes back home at five-thirty, gets the same train every time

Officially back in my apartment in New York after an absolutely lovely and refreshing winter break at home with my family. It's never easy for me leaving California but I can proudly say I did not cry once the day I left. I made it a point to stay strong as I know that after a quick few months I will be returning to my hometown to figure out the next stage of my life (more on how I feel about this in another post). It seems like the break was really split into two parts which made it feel even longer - the holidays and January. Christmas was so much fun but was so exhausting as we really had two long long days of family reunions (so much food I still can't think about it).

New Years went how New Years usually goes for me... not my favorite. It was actually New Years day that I found I had way more fun than the night before. Maybe I should remember that for next year...

First of all I want to start out by saying that I did not do the makeup for these looks! That credit goes to my amazing friend Aaron Plantz (@aaronplantz on IG and I'm serious guys check him out he's unbelievable). We really collaborate a lot on the looks we do and I provide the clothing etc etc. So without further ado here are some special Halloween inspired makeup looks for you all!

I am not even going to lie with you. I am having an extremely hard time being back in New York. "One more year" is all I hear from everyone. "It'll go so fast you'll wish you could go back." "Live it up, real life starts after."
While those are all well and true it is far different to give advice to someone than actually having to live it. When one year seems like the rest of your life. When the days drag by so slow you just want to take a million sleeping pills and hope it goes faster in your dreams. When you are so ready for real life to start that all you imagine is this life after it all.
Leaving California was like getting stabbed directly into the heart. I know it was hard on my family to see me that way. To see me beg and plead not to go back. So maybe I'm writing this because I need advice. The type of advice that will help me through the never ending days. Advice on how to not feel in your heart that you are meant to be somewhere 3000 miles away every single day of your life.
I'll get through it. I've done it for three years now and I've come through on the other side.
Even the days when I thought I wouldn't be able to get out of bed or look at another human without crying, I made it through.
This summer has been a type of recovery for me that I didn't even know I needed. One that has shown me things about myself and the person I am becoming. I know I can be proud of myself for leaving. For doing the things my high school self could only dream of.  But what if it's just not enough anymore. What if I'm tired of disconnecting with friends and missing out on family events. What do I do now?

I swear I blink and summer is already over. It is really just insanity in my mind. But I am feeling really ready for this final year. As absolutely terrifying the whole idea of ending college feels like, I am so so SO so ready to be out. Being home obviously gives me a glimpse at the life I lived prior to college. As I have probably said before, being home I always revert back to that person I was. Someone whose insecurities always got the better of them. It is honestly the worst feeling in the world to know that you have left and accomplished so much in the world but come home and immediately feel like a teenager again.

Isn't it funny how we can talk ourselves into a hole only to realize... it wasn't as hard as we thought. I feel kind of embarrassed by my last post. I was having a major pity party and it makes me disappointed to see myself get so low.
Sometimes we need to express how we feel and sure you can ask the people you love and respect for advice, but sometimes that isn't enough. It was nice to say exactly what I was feeling, no holds barred. But I don't like having such a pessimistic view about life. I genuinely enjoy the highs and lows that come with growing up. I know that things could be a thousand times worse and I am grateful for everything that comes my way.
That being said, I did think about taking down my last post altogether. Who wants that negativity spouted out for all of the internet to see? However, as I often find myself reading back at old posts, I am choosing to keep it up. I want to be able to look back and remember that a bad day doesn't mean a bad life.
Things get rough and frustrating. This is a fact of life that people deal with at every age. About 90% of the time things won't go the way you want them to. And that sucks, like majorly, but there is always a silver lining.
College is hard. It's the in-between of adulthood and childhood which can get truly aggravating. But it is temporary and soon enough it will be a memory that I will hold dear to my heart. Who knows maybe I'll even miss some things about it.
As the last few weeks of the semester bulldoze their way in I am reminded of the fact that all things come to an end. Childhood has come to an end and that is perhaps the scariest fact of all.
Looking towards the future. I don't know what's next and its scary and thrilling and a thousand different emotions all at one time.
But I'll get through. One way or another I'll come out on the other side.

So I will be the first person to admit that I am cursed with the laziness characteristic. I love nothing more than to sit inside and do nothing all day long. However, when it is time to get shit done. I do! There is just one thing that literally hangs over me like a dead cat every waking day. And that is finding a godforsaken internship for school.
I don't know why but I always convince myself I have more time. But last week a few of my closest friends were just catching up about all the things we missed while away from each other and each of them talked about their internships. Then there I was starting to break out into a sweat about not even having begun the search for one. The problem is that I feel finding a part time job to get money was a bigger priority but somehow everyone is able to do both.
After working three jobs last summer, I know that I just need to prioritize my time. My social life may need to take a little breaky-poo while I make my name known out in the real world. The hardest part is always starting and with a little push I know I can find something and make it work.
I swear one moment you think you're ahead and then BOOM you're ten spaces back and have to struggle to catch up. But this semester should breeze right by (just like all the other ones did) and before I know it internships will be the least of my worries as I actually enter into the JOB MARKET *screams in terror*

Can't believe I am actually writing this post from my room in New York! It has been nine long long LONG months away from this beautiful place and I am so full of happiness to be back. A little update on winter break: great. wonderful. full of adventure. WAY too short.

Aaahhh can there really only be two days of school left here in Spain?!?! I can not actually believe that as of tuesday my semester here will be over and every amazing person that I have met will leave. How crazy is it that you can look at someone that you have shared all these amazing and life changing moments with and think well I may never see you again... like ever.
On another note I am totally ready for the school part to be over with. As thankful as I am that the workload wasn't too demanding, I don't know how much more I could have handled. The organization and well english level of some of my teachers was severely lacking. *Note to self: Research school before studying abroad*
Also I am crazy excited for my family to get here! As much as I wish I could be home for christmas, I can't wait to share this country with them and show them a little bit of the culture that I have been living in for the past 3 months.
Yesterday a bunch of us took a cooking class in a 15th century cave and it made me super nostalgic and sad that it will all be over so so soon!
I know that everyone else if feeling the same way that I am. Which is torn about leaving because on the one hand you feel homesick for the US but on the other hand this experience is over. We will probably never be able to do this kind of thing again ever in our lives. I know, at least for me, that I have waited years and years for this and now that I only have a few weeks left... I would do anything to have just a little bit longer.
Well I should get back to studying since I have really been lacking in making any headway in that department.

So this post is being inspired by the fact that literally EVERYONE I know left Madrid this weekend and I (tear tear tear) couldn't produce the funds to support another excursion... if you catch my drift. However, it is what it is and as this weekend approached I found myself thinking of all the possible things I could do alone. And actually... I found myself being really excited.
Now I am a bonafide introvert and I really don't have a problem with it. Of course I go out to parties, I am able to talk to large groups of people, and I can socialize rather well. I feel like introverts often get a bad rep because people just imagine a curled up girl alone in her house reading a book next to the fire. Which, as magical as it sounds, isn't the only thing introverts do. I read something recently (probably on tumblr) that talked about the difference between extroverts and introverts. To summarize it basically stated that the main difference is only that extroverts replenish their energy from socializing where as introverts, who are completely capable of being social, expend their energy from socializing. I would have to say that pretty much hits it right on the nose!
Anyways back to this weekend. Well I knew I had a mondo project that I should have been working on all semester -teehee- but I figured what better time than now to really zone in on all my final to-do lists. There seemed to be so much I could do that I actually worried there wouldn't be enough time to do anything else! So friday I woke up, finished a powerpoint, made three study guides, and then decided to call it a day. But I told myself that I was not going to just sit inside and watch gilmore girls until kingdom come. So I put on my coat and walked to the Prado so I could see Goya paintings which we had just finished covering in my art class.
I absolutely adore the Prado. As... interesting as modern art is, it just doesn't really inspire me much. I loathe looking at a painting and being like THIS LITERALLY HAS NO MEANING I COULD'VE DONE THIS which happens a lot when I go to museums like the MOMA in New York or the Tate Modern in London.
After this I walked back home and finished off my night with Gilmore Girls. Saturday I woke up, made a study guide for my architecture class, practiced my presentation, made a to-do list for studying this week, and fin. Then I put on my coat and went to Gran Via to buy a sweater I had seen thursday from Pull and Bear. After I walked home from Sol which takes about 40 minutes, but I just really cleared my head. No cell phone, no english... anywhere. I came back completely frozen and completely happy. Then I finished the night with some more Gilmore Girls.
I hate having to justify to people that I really am okay with being alone. Of course I don't want to be alone all the time and when I do get social interaction I gladly welcome it but I am very independent in that I will make a schedule for myself and just do what I feel. Today actually I'm torn between going to the Reina Sofia or just walking in Parque Retiro. Either way it is going to be what I want to do!

I can actually not believe it's already November. Can it really be that I only have about a month and a half left in Europe?!?! Unreal.
Life has been pretty fantastic these past few weeks. Mostly because of my trip to Paris last weekend. Let's just say it was exactly what I needed to refresh my love of travel. Living in Madrid is amazing but, just like home, living somewhere is different than visiting. The everyday needs can get tiresome and boring (like the hour subway ride to school everyday). I found myself really not enjoying Madrid because I felt like I was living endlessly as a tourist in a place that I should've been making a temporary home. As soon as I realized this I took everyday a step at a time. 
I always thought moving to New York would be the hardest thing I've ever done and that after that change every thing else would be a breeze. Boy was I wrong. Not only have I really reflected on myself but I am seeing the changes I can make in my life back in the states in order to be happier!
Paris is truly the most magical place ever created.  We all joked that instead of posting all the pictures for our families we would just post one and say sorry but you have to go yourself. 
Seeing my friend and former roommate Coline went better than I ever could've imagined. It was as if it was still Freshman year and we were still doing everything together. Our jokes and singing took me back to such a happy place that I think the world could have been hit by an asteroid and I still would've been smiling from ear to ear. 
I left and knew that one day I would be back. 
This weekend we decided to take it easy since next weekend my program is taking us to Granada for three days and then I go to Munich, Germany with Kim for thanksgiving weekend. Can I just say life is beautiful. 
Sending love from this corner of the world :)

As I'm in sitting in the JFK terminal the reality is sinking in. 9 months away from the city and the people that I love so much. Sure it's not always pretty and it's definitely not always fun but there are moments ( like sitting on a huge rock in van cordtlant park at midnight) that breath life back into your lungs. I remember a few months back I hated the city. I hated the people. And I hated school. After realizing that it wasn't the city or the people or the school I really tried to remember my 17 year old self that cried and pleaded with her mother to let her move across the country to a city that held all the possibilities to a perfect life. Obviously... It wasn't perfect. But as I was walking block after block last night saying goodbye to the buildings and the streets that have shaped who I am I felt it again.

Well we have made it to the end of the semester and finals week is finally here. But of course finals isn't the only thing that is preoccupying my mind (that would be too easy). Nope instead I have to think about packing, storage, traveling with all my luggage, goodbyes, and the list goes on. One thing I didn't expect to be thinking about is a party my school does called spring fest. Last year I didn't go and I didn't think anything of it! But this year EVERYONE is going and well I'm feeling quite torn

I may not be the most experienced person to talk about this but I think it is extremely important nonetheless. Knowing yourself and reading the signs that your body gives you is one of the greatest tools you can develop. Having the ability to say "can I do this" or "should I do this" is extremely hard to perfect because there is always multiple voices, whether inside your head or from other people, that tell you to do the opposite.
Friday night I went out and had a blast with all my friends. Dancing, having deep conversations, laughing my ass off…it was all there and it was fantastic. After a long long LONG week I was ready to let loose and party. This also means going to sleep around 3 o'clock.
Saturday morning my roommates wake me up at 8 o'clock because they are leaving for a retreat. While usually I don't mind being woken up (light sleeper problems) today I really couldn't believe that I was unable to fall back asleep because I could tell I was still exhausted. Around noon my friend and I went to the met and walked around and laughed and mimicked the paintings and statues. After we went down to east village and went thrifting and then ate at Artichoke pizza (my absolute favorite). Well the entire day I could feel my body slowly crumbling in. My feet ached, my eyes pounded, and the thought of have to lift my arms was just too much to handle.
We got back around 6 and I went to my room… and basically died until my soul was resurrected at 9 o'clock this morning. I had been invited to a few parties/bars but I knew that what I needed was sleep. Pure, raw, uninterrupted sleep. And I did but it made me realize I need to know when to draw the line more. Sleeping early on week days, leaving the party earlier on the weekends… anything helps. But all in all I am rested and rejuvenated for the homework day ahead!
Happy Sunday!