HALLOWEEN PARTY DECORATIONS

So back in 2013 when I was finishing up my first year of college I wrote a list of fifty different things I had learned during my time away. It is so funny to read back on them and honestly for the most part they are still very true. But as I have now completed four years I think I have a more complete understanding of myself and my time here. So I figured I would make a final list on the 50 most important lessons I've learned in college.
1. There's a 99.99% you're going to change your major.
2. Become friends with your professor, laugh at their dumb jokes, ask for guidance.
3. If you feel you are being treated unfairly by a professor, speak up. Chances are other students feel the same.
4. Grades are always negotiable.
5. If you think all nighters are a good idea...you're wrong. Do it once to say you have.
6. Learn the power of time management early on.
7. Extracurriculars are great but don't let them take over your life.
8. Read the g-dang books you are assigned in English classes. Reading is one of life's greatest treasures.
9. If you know your passion never let others interfere.
10. It's okay to not know your passion yet... keep experiencing life, it will come.
11. You may love your college town, you may hate your college town, but let it teach you a lesson about yourself.
12. There's a great chance you'll look into transferring... really assess if your current situation is as bad as you think it is.
13. Netflix should be consumed sparingly.
14. You are going to make best friends in college.
15. You are going to lose best friends in college.
16. That party/bar/frat house will most likely never be as great as spending a night in watching movies with friends.
17. Write your essays ahead of time. Don't become the night-before monster.
18. If you drink, make sure you trust the people you are with.
19. Having a bad day, week, semester is something everyone experiences.
20. Study Abroad. STUDY ABROAD. Even if they tell you it's impossible. Even if you have to take out loans. It will change you.
21. Don't study abroad with friends. Learning to travel alone will be extremely valuable.
22. Go somewhere you don't know the language.
23. Learn a new language in college. It could be the only chance you get.
24. Internships aren't going to come to you. It takes work.
25. Not having an internship doesn't make you a failure. Volunteer or join a club, it's all about experience.
26. Your parents miss you. Give them a call every once in awhile.
27. Leave your hometown for college.
28. Everyone has their own shit going on. But you are never to busy to call an old friend.
29. It's good you didn't peak in high school, it's even better not to peak in college... be patient that your time will come.
30. One day you'll look back at the memory of your first insane college roommate and laugh.
31. Don't compromise your own values to make friends.
32. Find people who are pieces of you, not the whole picture. Be unique.
33. Take advice sparingly... no one knows you like you do.
34. If you get a tattoo: Don't be drunk. Don't be cheap. Don't tell your parents.
35. It's okay to sleep around and it's okay to not sleep with anyone. Trust your intuition.
36. You will probably gain weight and lose it. You are more than the size of your jeans.
37. The cafeteria should never be taken for granted. Free chicken nuggets won't always be a reality.
38. If you thought you couldn't imagine a life without a boy maybe you don't love yourself as much as you thought.
39. If you do something awkward or embarrassing really own the moment.
40. Getting exempt from finals isn't a myth but it does take a lot of effort.
41. GPA doesn't reflect who you are as a person but it does reflect your dedication to learning.
42. Don't let people walk all over you. Find your voice but learn when to let things go.
43. There will be days you think it won't end. And there will be days you think it went too fast.
44. Don't kill yourself trying to be employed straight out of college. You have the rest of your life to work.
45. If you move somewhere cold... buy a good coat.
46. Take lots of pictures.
47. Four quarters is better than 100 pennies.
48. Say thank you to your parents.
49. Never take this time for granted.
50. ...

hey hey hey! Wow, I truly hate to see how long ago the last post was written. This blog may not be super popular but I was excited to see the number of page views growing over the past few months as I put more energy into writing better and more interesting content. It really was more of an experiment, but one that I thoroughly enjoyed!!! When I got home from school I went on a mental and physical reset. You never know how much you have over done it until you come home and just go into total detox mode. Catching up with friends and family, preparing for Christmas, reading books I actually wanted to read, binge watching TV shows... the list went on and it was all lovely.
I was also feeling very unlike myself. It is not uncommon for me to get inside my head too much when I'm away from my family for a long time. The Thanksgiving trip was such a whirlwind I don't think I sat down for more than 5 minutes trying to see everyone and do all the things that I wanted to do while home. I always start to feel like myself again here... which can be both a good thing and well a really bad thing.
I am someone who always battles with self doubt. Sometimes it is the easiest thing to just be like no that'll never work out. Last year I really tried to be outside my comfort zone as much as possible. And I think I am still setting the foundation in my mind for being able to reach my own success. Call it life therapy because I know I came home at a time when I needed an intervention.
And that is what I am going to be talking about at least once a week on this blog. Discovery. That is my word for 2016. Every single time I am going to be in a new situation I am going to think about this word. As I am graduating from Uni this semester and entering into the job world... there are so so SO many unknowns. As a Taurus it is in my nature to have a hard time adjusting to big life changes. That is why I am going to create all the ground work and preparation to make sure that this giant change is nothing more than a smooth flow of gradual adjustments.
I ask that if anyone else is feeling the same that you come along with me on this journey this year. Having a community that is understanding and empathetic can make big life changes so much more possible to conquer. Sure your family is great but 9 times out of 10 they aren't in the same position you are. And although they may think they can relate they still see you and your situation from an outside perspective. But that is why the internet is so much fun! There are people like you, facing similar (if not exact) experiences as you are. I mean how rad is that. So come and discover with me my friends! Let's see how we can make 2016 such a beautiful year full of happiness and balance.
Be back soon xoxo Sam

If I could express the amount of change that has occurred just over the past week or so that I last posted into words... I just CAN'T.
My rejuvenation for life has increased tenfold and each day I wake up excited to be alive. I finally, after thousands of resumes, cover letters, tears and outbursts of anger, I have gotten an internship.
To say it suits me perfectly is an understatement. It suits me DIVINELY.
All my life I have been unable to tell people if I am proud of myself or not. I always try to stay humble and respect others. Most people, especially peers, have a hard time with others success. I know that I suffer from it! I can be the most envious of people (something I have talked about in an old blog post) but right now I can't help but feel overjoyed that all the effort I have put into searching for an internship has actually worked out into the most wonderful opportunity.
**I will tell you all more about the company in another post**
BUT WAIT THERE IS MORE
This past weekend I went to Boston to meet my mom and her friend for a short (very short) getaway. And I fell madly in love with the place.
After New York, anywhere seems like disneyland. The streets were clean, the people were smiling, there were no intense crowds, and there was a slight breeze that added just the perfect touch to an all day tourist sightseeing extravaganza.
We also went to Salem which fulfilled my love for all things witch, somewhere I had been dying to see since I moved to the East Coast.
It really was just an amazing trip and left me refreshed and ready for school to start Monday!
Classes are fine, not much to say about those. But with everything else going so well (fingers crossed it stays like this way for awhile) I figure school will also go according to plan.

I am not even going to lie with you. I am having an extremely hard time being back in New York. "One more year" is all I hear from everyone. "It'll go so fast you'll wish you could go back." "Live it up, real life starts after."
While those are all well and true it is far different to give advice to someone than actually having to live it. When one year seems like the rest of your life. When the days drag by so slow you just want to take a million sleeping pills and hope it goes faster in your dreams. When you are so ready for real life to start that all you imagine is this life after it all.
Leaving California was like getting stabbed directly into the heart. I know it was hard on my family to see me that way. To see me beg and plead not to go back. So maybe I'm writing this because I need advice. The type of advice that will help me through the never ending days. Advice on how to not feel in your heart that you are meant to be somewhere 3000 miles away every single day of your life.
I'll get through it. I've done it for three years now and I've come through on the other side.
Even the days when I thought I wouldn't be able to get out of bed or look at another human without crying, I made it through.
This summer has been a type of recovery for me that I didn't even know I needed. One that has shown me things about myself and the person I am becoming. I know I can be proud of myself for leaving. For doing the things my high school self could only dream of.  But what if it's just not enough anymore. What if I'm tired of disconnecting with friends and missing out on family events. What do I do now?

I swear I blink and summer is already over. It is really just insanity in my mind. But I am feeling really ready for this final year. As absolutely terrifying the whole idea of ending college feels like, I am so so SO so ready to be out. Being home obviously gives me a glimpse at the life I lived prior to college. As I have probably said before, being home I always revert back to that person I was. Someone whose insecurities always got the better of them. It is honestly the worst feeling in the world to know that you have left and accomplished so much in the world but come home and immediately feel like a teenager again.

Isn't it funny how we can talk ourselves into a hole only to realize... it wasn't as hard as we thought. I feel kind of embarrassed by my last post. I was having a major pity party and it makes me disappointed to see myself get so low.
Sometimes we need to express how we feel and sure you can ask the people you love and respect for advice, but sometimes that isn't enough. It was nice to say exactly what I was feeling, no holds barred. But I don't like having such a pessimistic view about life. I genuinely enjoy the highs and lows that come with growing up. I know that things could be a thousand times worse and I am grateful for everything that comes my way.
That being said, I did think about taking down my last post altogether. Who wants that negativity spouted out for all of the internet to see? However, as I often find myself reading back at old posts, I am choosing to keep it up. I want to be able to look back and remember that a bad day doesn't mean a bad life.
Things get rough and frustrating. This is a fact of life that people deal with at every age. About 90% of the time things won't go the way you want them to. And that sucks, like majorly, but there is always a silver lining.
College is hard. It's the in-between of adulthood and childhood which can get truly aggravating. But it is temporary and soon enough it will be a memory that I will hold dear to my heart. Who knows maybe I'll even miss some things about it.
As the last few weeks of the semester bulldoze their way in I am reminded of the fact that all things come to an end. Childhood has come to an end and that is perhaps the scariest fact of all.
Looking towards the future. I don't know what's next and its scary and thrilling and a thousand different emotions all at one time.
But I'll get through. One way or another I'll come out on the other side.

I bleed at the thought that I never update this blog but of course here I am to fill in the latest and greatest news. Lately things of been tough. Not just the normal day-to-day stresses of school and friends but also internally. I felt like I started off the year with a clean mindset and here I am, March, and I can feel myself reverting back to old ways. I don't like complaining because my life really has a lot of wonderful things about it! But sometimes it just gets to be too much.
I know pretty much every twentysomething can relate to the feeling of being lost. Do I love my major? no. Am I ready to start my life? yes. Am I ready to take on adult responsibilities? uhh...
All of these things are constantly swirling around our minds and eventually it just gets to be too much and you want to run away as fast as possible from everything and everyone.
There are moments that make it worth it, like walking in New York Fashion Week, but more often than not there are moments where you think... what am I actually doing with my life. Sure everyone says we have time but I don't want to waste the one life we are given just being unhappy with who I am and what I'm doing.
I guess I came here to say I am done with the city that never sleeps. I am tired. I am broke. And I am flailing.
With that said I am not depressed about life. I know there is so much more the world has to offer me. Maybe it's because I am figuring out who I am and what I want that I am unsatisfied with the life that I am living at this moment. It definitely doesn't mean I won't ever get away from it because come spring of 2016 ADIOS NEW YORK!
I will always appreciate the time I have spent here and the memories I have shared with some amazing people. But it's time for something different. Some people are empowered by New York and I honestly envy their tenacity and courage.
We get out what we put in to life. Maybe I didn't put enough of myself into loving it here. Maybe I was someone who was meant for a different path and didn't know until I learned for myself. But I think that is the great thing about leaving. That now I can go back and know what the world was like away from the support and comfort of home.
But then again... maybe it's the fact that it is almost April and there is currently snow falling from the sky. Or maybe I just have a chronic dissatisfaction with life (love quoting woody allen movies). I wish some wise old sage could come and tell me that I made the right choice. That I didn't screw up by choosing to go so far away from home. That New York was where I was meant to find myself.
I didn't know this post would turn into such a bummer but I needed to express to others that you aren't alone if you feel like you made the wrong choice. You aren't alone if you don't love the life you are living. And you aren't alone if you are ready to make the changes necessary to be a happier person.
I am tired of putting on a brave face for everyone and acting like its all flowers and rainbows.
Okay... Angsty rant over.

So I will be the first person to admit that I am cursed with the laziness characteristic. I love nothing more than to sit inside and do nothing all day long. However, when it is time to get shit done. I do! There is just one thing that literally hangs over me like a dead cat every waking day. And that is finding a godforsaken internship for school.
I don't know why but I always convince myself I have more time. But last week a few of my closest friends were just catching up about all the things we missed while away from each other and each of them talked about their internships. Then there I was starting to break out into a sweat about not even having begun the search for one. The problem is that I feel finding a part time job to get money was a bigger priority but somehow everyone is able to do both.
After working three jobs last summer, I know that I just need to prioritize my time. My social life may need to take a little breaky-poo while I make my name known out in the real world. The hardest part is always starting and with a little push I know I can find something and make it work.
I swear one moment you think you're ahead and then BOOM you're ten spaces back and have to struggle to catch up. But this semester should breeze right by (just like all the other ones did) and before I know it internships will be the least of my worries as I actually enter into the JOB MARKET *screams in terror*

Can't believe I am actually writing this post from my room in New York! It has been nine long long LONG months away from this beautiful place and I am so full of happiness to be back. A little update on winter break: great. wonderful. full of adventure. WAY too short.

Aaahhh can there really only be two days of school left here in Spain?!?! I can not actually believe that as of tuesday my semester here will be over and every amazing person that I have met will leave. How crazy is it that you can look at someone that you have shared all these amazing and life changing moments with and think well I may never see you again... like ever.
On another note I am totally ready for the school part to be over with. As thankful as I am that the workload wasn't too demanding, I don't know how much more I could have handled. The organization and well english level of some of my teachers was severely lacking. *Note to self: Research school before studying abroad*
Also I am crazy excited for my family to get here! As much as I wish I could be home for christmas, I can't wait to share this country with them and show them a little bit of the culture that I have been living in for the past 3 months.
Yesterday a bunch of us took a cooking class in a 15th century cave and it made me super nostalgic and sad that it will all be over so so soon!
I know that everyone else if feeling the same way that I am. Which is torn about leaving because on the one hand you feel homesick for the US but on the other hand this experience is over. We will probably never be able to do this kind of thing again ever in our lives. I know, at least for me, that I have waited years and years for this and now that I only have a few weeks left... I would do anything to have just a little bit longer.
Well I should get back to studying since I have really been lacking in making any headway in that department.

I can actually not believe it's already November. Can it really be that I only have about a month and a half left in Europe?!?! Unreal.
Life has been pretty fantastic these past few weeks. Mostly because of my trip to Paris last weekend. Let's just say it was exactly what I needed to refresh my love of travel. Living in Madrid is amazing but, just like home, living somewhere is different than visiting. The everyday needs can get tiresome and boring (like the hour subway ride to school everyday). I found myself really not enjoying Madrid because I felt like I was living endlessly as a tourist in a place that I should've been making a temporary home. As soon as I realized this I took everyday a step at a time. 
I always thought moving to New York would be the hardest thing I've ever done and that after that change every thing else would be a breeze. Boy was I wrong. Not only have I really reflected on myself but I am seeing the changes I can make in my life back in the states in order to be happier!
Paris is truly the most magical place ever created.  We all joked that instead of posting all the pictures for our families we would just post one and say sorry but you have to go yourself. 
Seeing my friend and former roommate Coline went better than I ever could've imagined. It was as if it was still Freshman year and we were still doing everything together. Our jokes and singing took me back to such a happy place that I think the world could have been hit by an asteroid and I still would've been smiling from ear to ear. 
I left and knew that one day I would be back. 
This weekend we decided to take it easy since next weekend my program is taking us to Granada for three days and then I go to Munich, Germany with Kim for thanksgiving weekend. Can I just say life is beautiful. 
Sending love from this corner of the world :)

Have you ever felt like you are on a constant stream of disappointing people. Like no matter what you do, someone feels like you let them down. Maybe I'm paranoid but lately, everything I do seems to make someone upset. Studying abroad has been freaking amazing except for the fact that I am always doing stuff for other people. I never thought I had a problem doing my own thing until I came here. Then it seemed like all I was doing was making sure that no one was mad at me. I started stretching myself thin and then, ultimately, would let everyone down. Either I'm with my friends and my sister is upset or I'm with my sister and my friends are wondering where I am.
Last monday I had minor breakdown. Call it hormones or seasons changing but damn, I was extremely upset. My sister and I had been planning to go to Italy but I was waiting to hear what my friends plans were as well. She was tired of me always delaying it and not being able to make up my mind that she said she didn't want to go with me at all. Well I took this as a failure. That my friends were now going without me and that my sister was angry with me... it all became way too much. Sitting in my host moms kitchen trying to catch my breath she comes in and immediately gives me a hug. Funny how much a hug can release a calming emotion no matter who it's from. Trying to explain to her in Spanish why I was so upset was extremely difficult but she told me she is the same as me. Always taking on other people's problems like they are my own.
I finally was able to talk with my mom, which I knew was all I needed to get my head back on straight but for the rest of the week I really tried to be proactive about making my own decisions. Doing things for myself and not letting other people's negative attitude effect my own mental state.
I don't mind doing things for other people but why I let them get the better of me will always remain a mystery to me. If anyone has any advice for how they cope with disappointment I would love to hear it.

Wow I really suck at keeping updated on things. Well life here in Spain is pretty amazing. The people I have met and become friends with are truly amazing. The places I have seen are absolutely breathtaking. And the food I have eaten has unmatched anything I have ever had before. I wouldn´t trade a moment of this adventure because it has truly been one of the greatest experiences of my entire life.
But... and I don´t mean the negative but... I really miss New York. Prior to arriving in Spain I was feeling kind of iffy about returning to MC. Not because I didn´t love the city or my amazing friends but because I was tired of leaving my family back in California. All I wanted was to be close to my mom and cousins and uncles and aunts and grandparents and dog (lol). I even broke down in the London airport when I realized I was tired of saying goodbye all the time. It never gets easier and really it gets harder with the passing of time. People are getting older and their lives are changing and often, when you aren´t present, those plans don´t include you.
When I first got to Spain I was pretty upset. I wasn´t adjusting well to the culture and I was angry with myself for making this choice. Then a few weeks ago I started to really really REALLY miss MC. I wanted to walk the same path to Leo. I wanted to get a chai latte and sweet potatoe fries from Café 1853. I even missed the cafetería food from Lockes. I don´t necessarily know what made this change of heart but it has constantly been on my mind and it is exhausting.
It is really difficult to miss a place when you have no way of changing it. Then I get angry at myself for not living in the moment. I will never get the chance to live in Spain again and here I am missing a place that I could probably live for the rest of my life. I am here with my best friend and sister and Jesus I must be absolutely insane!!!!!
But I´m not. I am human and often times don´t have control over what my mind desires or my heart wants. I think it is cheesy when people say ´´ Oh it helped me learn so much about myself´´ but really I have found out that maybe i´m not as adventurous as  I once believed. I was always someone who believed the grass was greener somewhere else but honestly going to New York was my biggest dream and for a moment I was ready to throw in the towel and call it quits. I am grateful this experience has renewed this love that I have but when January 5th rolls around... I won´t be sorry or sad or unprepared.
I will be able to say I did it. Against all odds I did something that most people in their life will never do. I will also be able to say I am doing EXACTLY what I wanted to do with my life.
Also GOD BLESS AMERICA;)

IT'S HERE! IT'S HERE! IT'S FINALLY HERE! When people talk about how annoying the visa process is... it is no joke. Admittedly I am an anxious person when it comes to just about anything but the weeks leading up to getting the visa were some of the most stressful days of my life! Not only was it extremely expensive but I knew there could be zero room for mistake because of how limited on time I was. However last night after coming home from a two day vacation in the mountains with my sister and cousin my mom says "Your visa came." No joke at that moment I flew up the stairs with more speed than I even knew possible. And yes, there it was, lying on my bed like a shining beacon of success. Immediately I felt the wave of fulfillment rain over me. Although my sister hasn't received hers yet (only because she is applying for a resident visa not a student visa) I am confident that everything will work out perfectly.
Then that got me thinking. Sure maybe I overreacted and checked all my papers 2894823 times before the appointment and emailed my program about 9859028 times to make sure everything was correct but... this happiness that I feel at having done it all by myself is so rewarding. Everyone says there will be these big life moments and, although it isn't life changing, just seeing the "Hasta Seis Meses" writing is exhilarating.
Now, however, my priorities have shifted to studying as much as I possibly can in Spanish. Lord knows it is going to give me another ulcer but after riding on such a high like last night... nothing can stop me!